Struggling with Ego by JJ Gormley
Commonly thought to represent the self, the ego commands center stage
in our lives for the simple reason that the ego marks us as individually
distinctive from other selves or egos. Our ego is basically our personality.
Psychologically cast, ego controls our thoughts and behaviors and enables
us to be in touch with external reality. To say that ego is at once powerfully
helpful or harmful reflects the ego’s complex nature. On the one hand,
an inflated ego can lead to conceit or exaggerated self-importance. But
on the other, a more even-handed ego can produce appropriate pride in
oneself or self-esteem. The latter quality is accompanied by more than
just a modicum of unpretentiousness or humility. But humility can also
go too far when it completely emasculates ego, leading to self-loathing
and doubt. The ego’s very complexity implies a never-ending struggle
or battle to void at once excessive self-pride and self-hatred. Instead
of allowing this battle to remain exclusively a philosophical mind game,
I believe our yoga practices can play a featured role in achieving the
balance we all seek.
Many spiritual traditions teach us to do battle with the ego. Does this
imply a need to slay the ego as if it was our enemy? How can we slay
something so central to our individual distinctiveness? How are we to
do battle with the ego without permanently impairing our means of perceiving
external reality?
Perhaps the answer lies in realizing the permanent battle we face between
allowing the ego to become full of conceit and falling into self-loathing
behavior. Balance depends critically on achieving a humility that tempers
conceit without destroying a proper pride in self. The battle between
the two tendencies is on display daily: from the judgmental behavior
of self-inflated and conceited egos to those who have lost any sense
of self-esteem. The Bhagavad Gita teaches us that finding balance between
these two tendencies represents life’s eternal quest.
We all know when we get down on ourselves through constant questioning
of the decisions we’ve made. We could have or should have done it differently
or better! Humility comes in handy here by furnishing just the right
level of diffidence to avoid self-doubt. On the other hand, those who
display enormous self-confidence and are prone to judge others too quickly
are frequently experiencing an inner battle of their own. Their exaggerated
egos hide their own distinctive battle against self-doubt and low self-esteem.
Yet, there are those who possess just the right amount of humility, making
them much better strategists in fighting the eternal battle we all face.
Are those possessing overheated egos incapable of thinking about strategy
in fighting this battle? They are caught standing in the midst of the
battle’s cannon fire without even realizing the battle has commenced.
Referring to the Gita, again, perhaps this was where Arjuna was when
he laid down his weapon and called upon God (Krishna) for consultation.
Only then did he become aware that the battle must go on. The warrior
Arjuna is caught in the quandary of doing battle against members of his
own family, who are on both sides of the battle. This would suggest that
these family members are metaphorically parts of ourselves that we must
do battle with.
What parts of ourselves must we do battle with? Besides a super-inflated
ego, we frequently need to let go of stuck emotions such as anger, guilt,
shame and fear. If we consider them to be family, as Rumi does in his
famous poem, The Guest House, we should meet them all at the door laughing.
Laughing at them metaphorically slays them; we eliminate deep-seated
and often devastating emotions caused not infrequently by our own family
members.
Holding on to these emotions is ego-stuff and letting them go is a reflection
of finding and displaying an appropriate level of humility. Our inclination
to hold on to these emotions or display excessive ego is enhanced by
the fact that we want to remain as we think others see us. To face these
dilemmas, we must go to battle with them. Humility in just the right
dose is our best sword, and being able to forgive—ourselves and others—is
not only the best weapon of all but the greatest form of humility.
On the yoga mat, I teach that the hips move in one direction while the
spinal column moves in the other . This sets up a kind of tug-of-war in our
body, the pull of which occurs at Chakra 3—our ego/humility center. Richard
Freeman says that each time he heads to his yoga mat, he plays out the
Gita. I now understand what he means. This tug-of-war, softened by Chakra
3, can help us feel the battle in our own body. Join the battle, face your enemies head on, and use your breath
to free them and let them go. This is yoga’s power: the power of two
opposites, which is the meaning behind the word hatha (two opposing forces)
yoga (uniting). Join me in the battle: it’s fun and worth the fight.